Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
