there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
