How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You are a genius and a whore.
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