I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
