You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
