its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
