there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
