Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
