I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
