In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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