I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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