I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
