im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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