just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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