Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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