sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
