PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
