There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
