I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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