The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
