Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
