Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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