Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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