You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sorry my hands just texted you
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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