so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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