Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
