This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
