You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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