dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
