ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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