I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
