About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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