My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
