he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
