i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
