and you said cock pushups were impossible
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
sex in a hospital.. check
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
