I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
