The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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