I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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