tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
