Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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