New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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