Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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