My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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