Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
