If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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