careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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