I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
