I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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