Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
In America we eat man semen.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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