Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
