I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
they're like a gay fantastic four
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
