So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize