Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
