Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Vodka?
Forever.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
