you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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