I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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