told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
