I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
