onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
