what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
