"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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