So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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