tell your sister to shave her snatch
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
