Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
