That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
