The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
There's even glitter on my cock...
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