did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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