just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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