I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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