Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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