Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
