you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
